#WonderTips, Didn't Cha Know?, Life's Little Adventures, Uncategorized

New Year…Who Dis?

The other day I remember seeing this CRAZY video on Facebook.

A guy had recorded his ex-girlfriend destroying his car and breaking out the window to his house.

The whole time I watched the video I was amazed at how calm the girl looked while doing it (she even waved to the camera at one point).

During the recording, he states that the ex-girlfriend, Terri, has a restraining order out on him.

Now, from the looks of things, he’s the one who needs a restraining order on her.

Like the looney tune that I am, I, of course, go read the comments on this video to see if people were as shocked and astonished by this girl’s erratic behavior as I was.

And true to form, like facebook always is in the comments section, there was an overwhelming amount of disagreement.

Most of the men were along the lines of “That chick is crazy.”

While the women were more into “You guys don’t know what he did to her before this video.”

*insert stale face here*

I always hear some variation of the phrase, “Behind every b*tch is a man that made her that way.”

BUT WHY?

Women, why do we give men that power?

Why do we say to them, “Hey, you determine for the rest of my life if I’m going to be bitter and hateful or happy and loving.”

A woman’s worth does not depend on a man.

Child, Terri was mad and disturbed in that video because Terri had some issues. She almost ran that man over with her car.

Don’t think that no man has ever pissed me off or that I just don’t understand at all. It’s not like I haven’t been through things.

I’ve witnessed things at the hands of men since childhood. I’ve seen domestic violence firsthand in plenty of instances throughout my family and friendships. I’ve been in a 4-year relationship and found out the person I was looking at engagement rings with had been seeing someone else for well over a year.

You think these things don’t make me angry and create emotional issues to work out? Of course!

But I will never give another person enough credit to say that they were able to control me like that.

It’s one thing to feel some type of way in a moment because of what someone did, but once it becomes an extended period of time, you have given that person domain and residence in your head space.

And NOBODY is about to live rent-free in my mind.

We must learn to move past what others do. We can not control their actions, but we can control our reaction.

You become someone else’s puppet when you let them control your actions and your emotions.

When we defend women like Terri by saying “You don’t know what he did first!”, you’re excusing her.

You’re right. We don’t know what he did first, but what do we know now?

We know that Terri has gone viral on the internet looking like a maniac busting up his car and breaking his windows.

We can’t keep breaking ourselves down like this.

It’s 2016. Why are you still holding on to things from 2006? Why are you still thinking about that old relationship that didn’t work out? Why are you still using your fatherless home as an excuse?

WE HAVE TO MOVE ON.

Especially us women and men of color. We carry too many other things on our shoulders to dwell on our own pasts.

We’re having a hard enough time trying to reach the future.

You can’t say that 2016 is your year and still be dragging around baggage that you’ve collected from every year since birth.

Don’t allow yourself to become the public joke because you couldn’t walk away.

Whatever anyone has done in the dark will eventually come to light, so we can not afford to stop our lives to try to bring justice to them.

You have to let it go.

Stay blessed.

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#WonderTips, Life's Little Adventures

Mind Blown

I get approached by guys a lot.

I don’t mean this in a cocky way, but to say that I’ve made a lot of observations about the way men think it’s ok to approach a woman.

Whether they initially came direct and stated their intentions or if they waited a little bit and let me figure it out myself, there has been an outstanding amount of men that have ultimately wanted the same thing. This is by no means a way of me saying that men only want one thing or that all men are the same, but this is just what I have experienced with a lot of guys.

It’s so funny to me because so many dudes have spent time attempting to know me physically. Their go-to move is to state what they can do for me in the physical sense. I just laugh to myself and think “I’m so going to write about this later.”

NEWSFLASH: That is not what I’m looking for when I speak to a guy. I don’t want a physical relationship. That’s not what I’m interested in at all.

You want to connect to me? Stimulate my mind.

Tell me something that I don’t know and make me think further into myself.

This is something that I realized I haven’t really experienced with a guy. I have yet to meet a man that makes me take time to really wonder about life or want to do a little more digging into a foreign subject.

For the most part, I’ve only encountered men who kept me guessing…in a negative way.

Monday night, I took time and made a list of all the qualities I want in my “Man of God” (it was 2 pages long, y’all). I thought about all of the things I was lacking in my past relationships and guys that I had “talked to” and I realized that, along with guys not recognizing my worth and appreciating me, there was no serious mental stimulation. No, no, no. No shade. No shade. *Nicki Minaj voice* *sips tea*

Seeing that I’m not seeking a sexual experience, but a mental and subconscious one, I wrote a poem as if an intellectual conversation was just that: sex.

Now, this may get a bit awkward because of some of my readers (Hi, Mom!) but I think the purpose of the poem, if understood, is a very dope concept.

Enjoy!

Mind Blown

He walks in,

lights dim and soft music playing.

Candles are lit and he looks over

at me with desire in his eyes.

He caresses my mind,

giving time for it to adjust to his touch.

I tremor.

It’s my first time and I hope he’s gentle.

He leans into my thoughts.

Kissing them gently,

Opening his mouth to expose a little tongue.

“You’re so beautiful”, he whispers.

Eyes meet. Brain cells start shifting faster.

This is it.

Alliteration, autonomies, and articles from the past begin seeping from his lips.

My head tilts back and my left eye involuntarily winks as my dreams begin free-flowing and leaking about.

He uses every drop of knowledge to push deeper into conversation.

He can tell that I don’t know what to do next

so he directs my intellect.

He blows softly on the windmills of my curiosity,

while heavily stroking the depths of my spirit.

He spreads my inner fears and

secures me with his confident dialect.

I try to do for him but

his tongue dances back on to the topic of myself.

I feel a sudden rush.

Almost like refilling a water bottle and momentum is gained once the top is reached.

Music.

I begin holding my breath.

Art.

My toes start to curl.

Poetry.

My grip tightens.

Human Rights.

I close my eyes as hard as I can.

Education.

I begin sweating.

Goals.

I let out a loud moan.

…and finally,

as my legs began to shake because the peak of my love and admiration had been reached…

He prayed for me.

And we sat there,

completely covered in each other’s words,

awaiting energy to grope one another’s thoughts yet again.

Stay blessed, my people.

Please don’t forget to share and subscribe! 🙂

#WonderTips, Poetry/ Fiction

Hello/ Goodbye (Waves)

Hello lovely people. 🙂

I know I haven’t posted in a while (work has been kicking my boo-tay), but I am back to share a poem with you all!

Lately I’ve been dealing with a lot of things with different people. Situations that have been more emotionally upsetting than anything.

I’m a pretty optimistic person. I have no serious issues with or have any ill-wishes towards anyone. I am trying to live my life in a positive manner and focus on the tasks I have at hand, but of course, situations in life factor in to how we live our daily lives.

This poem is about people having a misconception about me or only seeing what they want to see, which causes them to act a certain way towards me, even though it may be based on something that is a misunderstanding. My attempt in life is to stop altering and censoring myself out of fear of my perception to anyone that is not my God.

Anywho, ENJOY!

Hello, Goodbye (Waves)

I am an island

Not in the sense that I am alone or isolated

But this fact wages on the truth that my heart’s been weighted and what’s in me has been dated

My heart beats slow

Everlasting desires of reaching new heights that YOU required

And so I did…

You, I became your work slave

You, I became your love slave

You, I became your slave partner

Unwashed wishes of a greater tomorrow placed in deep fields of sorrow

As your approval my soul seeks to borrow

100 nods of yes and 3 shakes of no

Have me praying to let go of the chains that withhold

My lone foot wrapped in bold

…chains with no locks

You kept seeking more because I gave you so much without you ever asking

I am not seeking your friendship

I am not seeking your relationship

I am not seeking your sorries

I am looking for your acknowledgement

Love. Light. Life.

That’s whose designated wife

I am.

That’s who sits with me under my palm tree

Drinking juice out of a coconut

No locked doors, no washed up shores

Me giving no more to your apology’s score

For…

I am an island