#WonderTips, Life's Little Adventures

Mind Blown

I get approached by guys a lot.

I don’t mean this in a cocky way, but to say that I’ve made a lot of observations about the way men think it’s ok to approach a woman.

Whether they initially came direct and stated their intentions or if they waited a little bit and let me figure it out myself, there has been an outstanding amount of men that have ultimately wanted the same thing. This is by no means a way of me saying that men only want one thing or that all men are the same, but this is just what I have experienced with a lot of guys.

It’s so funny to me because so many dudes have spent time attempting to know me physically. Their go-to move is to state what they can do for me in the physical sense. I just laugh to myself and think “I’m so going to write about this later.”

NEWSFLASH: That is not what I’m looking for when I speak to a guy. I don’t want a physical relationship. That’s not what I’m interested in at all.

You want to connect to me? Stimulate my mind.

Tell me something that I don’t know and make me think further into myself.

This is something that I realized I haven’t really experienced with a guy. I have yet to meet a man that makes me take time to really wonder about life or want to do a little more digging into a foreign subject.

For the most part, I’ve only encountered men who kept me guessing…in a negative way.

Monday night, I took time and made a list of all the qualities I want in my “Man of God” (it was 2 pages long, y’all). I thought about all of the things I was lacking in my past relationships and guys that I had “talked to” and I realized that, along with guys not recognizing my worth and appreciating me, there was no serious mental stimulation. No, no, no. No shade. No shade. *Nicki Minaj voice* *sips tea*

Seeing that I’m not seeking a sexual experience, but a mental and subconscious one, I wrote a poem as if an intellectual conversation was just that: sex.

Now, this may get a bit awkward because of some of my readers (Hi, Mom!) but I think the purpose of the poem, if understood, is a very dope concept.

Enjoy!

Mind Blown

He walks in,

lights dim and soft music playing.

Candles are lit and he looks over

at me with desire in his eyes.

He caresses my mind,

giving time for it to adjust to his touch.

I tremor.

It’s my first time and I hope he’s gentle.

He leans into my thoughts.

Kissing them gently,

Opening his mouth to expose a little tongue.

“You’re so beautiful”, he whispers.

Eyes meet. Brain cells start shifting faster.

This is it.

Alliteration, autonomies, and articles from the past begin seeping from his lips.

My head tilts back and my left eye involuntarily winks as my dreams begin free-flowing and leaking about.

He uses every drop of knowledge to push deeper into conversation.

He can tell that I don’t know what to do next

so he directs my intellect.

He blows softly on the windmills of my curiosity,

while heavily stroking the depths of my spirit.

He spreads my inner fears and

secures me with his confident dialect.

I try to do for him but

his tongue dances back on to the topic of myself.

I feel a sudden rush.

Almost like refilling a water bottle and momentum is gained once the top is reached.

Music.

I begin holding my breath.

Art.

My toes start to curl.

Poetry.

My grip tightens.

Human Rights.

I close my eyes as hard as I can.

Education.

I begin sweating.

Goals.

I let out a loud moan.

…and finally,

as my legs began to shake because the peak of my love and admiration had been reached…

He prayed for me.

And we sat there,

completely covered in each other’s words,

awaiting energy to grope one another’s thoughts yet again.

Stay blessed, my people.

Please don’t forget to share and subscribe! 🙂

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#WonderTips, Didn't Cha Know?, Life's Little Adventures

Why I deleted me.

I deleted my facebook, Twitter, and snapchat recently.

I also went through and deleted over 500 photos from my instagram.

This was not some act to be dramatic or for attention or for people to seek me out and ask me what’s going on in my life.

Actually, I thought I would be able to rid myself of social media and nobody notice for a while.

Some of you may have seen somewhere/ heard somehow that I was hospitalized about 2 weeks ago for 3 days. I hate being the center of attention or feeling like I’m trying to gain pity so I planned on remaining pretty hush about the situation, but I feel as though God has told me to share. This is my current story. This is my current truth.

I won’t go into details (honestly because I’m too lazy), but on the morning of December 9th, I began not feeling well at work. That ultimately turned into my blood pressure going up and then I began showing signs of a stroke (numbness and complete immobility in my arm). I was also having tremors. A little in my arm and a lot in my left leg.

At the hospital, I was put on “stroke alert” and given all of these tests. Long story short, it wasn’t TECHNICALLY a stroke.

I apparently have a condition that causes me to get spontaneous headaches that then turn into stroke-like symptoms. Oh…and those “tremors” I was having? Actually isolated seizures caused by this condition.

I’ll be honest with you guys. It’s been physically rough on me.

I now have 3 prescriptions I have to keep on me at ALL TIMES. I have to make sure that I don’t get worked up about any situation ever because any headache can set off an episode.

I can also have an episode at any time without any warning. I had 3 last week. 1 happened in my sleep and 1 happened at work.

I have to call someone if I start feeling bad while I’m driving just in case I go into an episode and have a seizure while driving. It’s “suggested” that I leave my office door open at work in case I go into an episode. Some nights I’m afraid to sleep because now I know I can start seizing in my sleep. I also just moved and I have people questioning if I’m truly capable of living by myself.

It’s scary to know that something in your brain isn’t functioning properly. It’s scary knowing that you’re going to have to go back and visit with several neurologists in the near future for more testing. It’s just all new and unexpected…and scary.

On the other hand, I’ve found such a place of zen and peace. Since my body will not allow any stress or negativity, I have no choice but to live in light.

I’m not sharing the status of my health for pity or so that I can play the victim. I’m sharing it because, if I don’t, it is like denying who I am in this space of time. It is like living in shame and I refuse to be shamed by my truth.

I have nothing but love for everyone. I have found my peace even if it was forced upon me. Although I have come to realize that not everyone will love me the same or love me at all, I know that I cannot carry their burden.

We have to start living, y’all. Not even in the selfish way that we think that phrase means. Living is doing what we can to keep each other alive as much as we can without depleting ourselves. Living is loving each other and walking in truth.

So why did I delete my social media?

Because I found myself having a beautiful moment in life and feeling the need to share it…instead of living in that moment. By the time I checked in, snapped it, and tweeted about it, my moment was gone.

I wanted to start living. Feel free to live with me. 🙂

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#WonderTips, Poetry/ Fiction

Hello/ Goodbye (Waves)

Hello lovely people. 🙂

I know I haven’t posted in a while (work has been kicking my boo-tay), but I am back to share a poem with you all!

Lately I’ve been dealing with a lot of things with different people. Situations that have been more emotionally upsetting than anything.

I’m a pretty optimistic person. I have no serious issues with or have any ill-wishes towards anyone. I am trying to live my life in a positive manner and focus on the tasks I have at hand, but of course, situations in life factor in to how we live our daily lives.

This poem is about people having a misconception about me or only seeing what they want to see, which causes them to act a certain way towards me, even though it may be based on something that is a misunderstanding. My attempt in life is to stop altering and censoring myself out of fear of my perception to anyone that is not my God.

Anywho, ENJOY!

Hello, Goodbye (Waves)

I am an island

Not in the sense that I am alone or isolated

But this fact wages on the truth that my heart’s been weighted and what’s in me has been dated

My heart beats slow

Everlasting desires of reaching new heights that YOU required

And so I did…

You, I became your work slave

You, I became your love slave

You, I became your slave partner

Unwashed wishes of a greater tomorrow placed in deep fields of sorrow

As your approval my soul seeks to borrow

100 nods of yes and 3 shakes of no

Have me praying to let go of the chains that withhold

My lone foot wrapped in bold

…chains with no locks

You kept seeking more because I gave you so much without you ever asking

I am not seeking your friendship

I am not seeking your relationship

I am not seeking your sorries

I am looking for your acknowledgement

Love. Light. Life.

That’s whose designated wife

I am.

That’s who sits with me under my palm tree

Drinking juice out of a coconut

No locked doors, no washed up shores

Me giving no more to your apology’s score

For…

I am an island