Jigaboos and Jezebels: On Being Young, Black, and Single…

If you truly know me then you know I have a guilty pleasure for reality tv. You name it, I probably watch it now or have seen it.

I like to live vicariously through the ratchets. *kanye shrug*

The other night I was watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta and, once again, I heard the punch line in an argument of “go find a husband” or “at least I have a husband”.


Not to say that women who have a husband need the validation of a man because I do aspire to marry one day (meaning a day YEARS from now), but why the need to use your husband as leverage over someone else?

Who said that your relationship status makes you superior to me?

I constantly get asked by men, students, etc.,”How are you not married?”

Translation: How has no one chosen you to be their wife yet?

Once again, who said that I’m attempting to “get chose”? That also implies that women are incapable of making their own decisions when it comes to a relationship. It makes it seem as though we are merely pieces of fruit waiting to get picked or plucked and those of us who are not chosen go bad and expire.

Not all single people are unhappy or seeking out a significant other at the moment.

A relationship doesn’t define a person or make them better than someone else.

People look at single men and say, “He just must be enjoying his life and singlehood.” People look at a single woman and think you’re either a whore or something’s wrong with you since a man doesn’t want you.

*Checks mirror* *Plays with celibacy ring* Nope. None of the above.

(Then again a woman who explores her own sexuality doesn’t automatically make her a whore, but that’s a feminist rant for another day)

If I wanted to be in a relationship right now, I could easily do so. I have chosen to be single at the moment.

Why do we put this pressure on “the singles” to join in on the partnership world even though many are not ready?

Especially as a black woman. It is so often and so openly assumed that, as a black woman, I am seeking the large ring, the big house, and the million dollar bank account. I constantly get told that, based on my appearance, I look like I would be high maintenance, but once they get to know me that is not the case at all.

It has also been assumed that I “must have a bad attitude like black girls always do.”

Seriously…who comes up with this stuff?

A black woman does not equate one thing. We are many. We are all. “We lit”. 🙂

A single person is not someone who needs saving or to be set up unless they have requested that of you.

I am not sad. I am not lonely.

I am choosing to no longer settle for liars, cheaters, players, or insecure men. I’m choosing me in this moment.

I remember seeing this episode of Sex and the City where Carrie sarcastically poses the question, “They shoot single people don’t they?” As much as I laughed those years ago when I was in a relationship, now that is exactly how it feels to be single in my mid-twenties.

“How are you single?” BANG.

“At least I have a man.” BANG.

“You must still want to party.” BANG.

“I couldn’t imagine STILL being single.” BANG BANG.

and the ultimate “bae” posts all over social media. HEADSHOT.

Why is there this negative connotation with the word “single” for women, but so much excitement for a man?

I am young, single, educated, with a good job and no kids.

For a woman, I sound like I’m either selfish or ugly.

But, listen here….read that description again and tell me people wouldn’t flip twice over if that was a man and say “Oh that must be his choice”.

Hell, most of the men that read my blog are in their mid- to late-twenties and single with no kids.

Take heed to the things you say. Your own relationship status does not put another person in an “other” category.

Just live your life, people, and let others live theirs.

We are all on our own paths and journeys and we cannot expect the timing of our lives to be relevant to someone else’s.

Stay blessed.


3 Comments Add yours

  1. nosyjosie says:

    Honey, I fingersnapped my way through this entire article lol. Yes, yes, yes! I won’t say too much about the topic because the article that I’m publishing in a few days touches on it pretty heavily. Excellent read! And power to us single ladies who CHOOSE their own status in the dating world.

    1. Thank you!! Can’t wait to read your new article!

  2. AJ says:

    I am 50 & fabulous, single & savvy, happy & hyped about my single life!

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