New Year…Who Dis?

The other day I remember seeing this CRAZY video on Facebook.

A guy had recorded his ex-girlfriend destroying his car and breaking out the window to his house.

The whole time I watched the video I was amazed at how calm the girl looked while doing it (she even waved to the camera at one point).

During the recording, he states that the ex-girlfriend, Terri, has a restraining order out on him.

Now, from the looks of things, he’s the one who needs a restraining order on her.

Like the looney tune that I am, I, of course, go read the comments on this video to see if people were as shocked and astonished by this girl’s erratic behavior as I was.

And true to form, like facebook always is in the comments section, there was an overwhelming amount of disagreement.

Most of the men were along the lines of “That chick is crazy.”

While the women were more into “You guys don’t know what he did to her before this video.”

*insert stale face here*

I always hear some variation of the phrase, “Behind every b*tch is a man that made her that way.”

BUT WHY?

Women, why do we give men that power?

Why do we say to them, “Hey, you determine for the rest of my life if I’m going to be bitter and hateful or happy and loving.”

A woman’s worth does not depend on a man.

Child, Terri was mad and disturbed in that video because Terri had some issues. She almost ran that man over with her car.

Don’t think that no man has ever pissed me off or that I just don’t understand at all. It’s not like I haven’t been through things.

I’ve witnessed things at the hands of men since childhood. I’ve seen domestic violence firsthand in plenty of instances throughout my family and friendships. I’ve been in a 4-year relationship and found out the person I was looking at engagement rings with had been seeing someone else for well over a year.

You think these things don’t make me angry and create emotional issues to work out? Of course!

But I will never give another person enough credit to say that they were able to control me like that.

It’s one thing to feel some type of way in a moment because of what someone did, but once it becomes an extended period of time, you have given that person domain and residence in your head space.

And NOBODY is about to live rent-free in my mind.

We must learn to move past what others do. We can not control their actions, but we can control our reaction.

You become someone else’s puppet when you let them control your actions and your emotions.

When we defend women like Terri by saying “You don’t know what he did first!”, you’re excusing her.

You’re right. We don’t know what he did first, but what do we know now?

We know that Terri has gone viral on the internet looking like a maniac busting up his car and breaking his windows.

We can’t keep breaking ourselves down like this.

It’s 2016. Why are you still holding on to things from 2006? Why are you still thinking about that old relationship that didn’t work out? Why are you still using your fatherless home as an excuse?

WE HAVE TO MOVE ON.

Especially us women and men of color. We carry too many other things on our shoulders to dwell on our own pasts.

We’re having a hard enough time trying to reach the future.

You can’t say that 2016 is your year and still be dragging around baggage that you’ve collected from every year since birth.

Don’t allow yourself to become the public joke because you couldn’t walk away.

Whatever anyone has done in the dark will eventually come to light, so we can not afford to stop our lives to try to bring justice to them.

You have to let it go.

Stay blessed.

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One Comment Add yours

  1. nosyjosie says:

    Amen to this! I agree that we let too many old memories take residence in our hearts and minds that have no business being there. But what if you want to move on, but don’t know how? What would you suggest? Excellent post!

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